


Ashes 2 Ashes - Reupload

by sir_coriander_cadaverish



Category: Nimona (Webcomic)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:53:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28641771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sir_coriander_cadaverish/pseuds/sir_coriander_cadaverish
Summary: this is the boys' final fight before they run away together in the Everything Is Fine AU and BOY does this one hurt!! :,) this fic has ended my life multiple times <3(hey you! can you guess what famous movie scene this fic is modeled after?? i'll give you a hint: it's a "goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation")
Relationships: Ballister Blackheart/Ambrosius Goldenloin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Ashes 2 Ashes - Reupload

**Author's Note:**

> heads up: this is the Everything Is Fine AU so there's no Nimona, just a regular old fire :)

Ambrosius strode off with a frustrated huff. "God dammit, Ballister," he muttered. Then he stopped a few feet away from Ballister, whirled around and held his arms outstretched. "Why won't you just come with me?" Ballister's eyes grew dark, and his voice was cold when he replied, "You ruined my life." "And I'm sorry!" Ambrosius cried out, exasperated, "I've told you that I'm sorry. And I know, I know that I could say I'm sorry for a thousand years and it still wouldn't be enough, but I'll still keep saying it: I'm sorry for what I did to you, Ballister." Then his brow furrowed, and he added, "But think of all the times I've saved your life since then." Now it was Ballister's turn to huff. "No, really," Ambrosius continued, gaining momentum, "You could've died twenty times by now, if I hadn't disobeyed my kingdom's orders just to spare you." Ballister cut in angrily, "That's awfully kind of you. How do you not get it? You still _work_ for the Institution, Ambrosius, for fuck's sake! You're still the hero of the kingdom that ruined everything for me - for _us!_ How could you still be playing along with that, knowing who they really are?" Ambrosius stepped closer. "You think I don't know how corrupt the Institution is, sweetheart?" He spat the last word out as though it were a curse. "They'd have me killed in a heartbeat, if they knew how much I've risked for you! I play along with those barbarians so that I can keep tabs on what their plans are for _you_." He paused, then continued in a lower tone. "Our relationship may be history, but I'll tell you one thing that's never gonna change: I won't be the one to kill you, Ballister, and I cannot watch you die." Ballister folded his arms defensively across his chest and said nothing. Ambrosius continued, his voice ever softer, "I can't watch you die, and I can't let you die. Because you're all I have, y'know. You're... you're everything." Ballister turned away from Ambrosius, stone-faced. "I risk my job and my _life_ every other day of the fucking week... because I still love you, Ballister," Ambrosius said, almost pleading, "I've loved you since we were kids, you know that. Since before we could fucking read. Listen to me- I have loved you since that day when you were just a scared little newbie, abandoned by your fucking parents, not a friend in the world, nothing to call your own except for that stuffed red dragon that you clung onto for dear life, Ballister, do you remember that?" Ambrosius stopped to take a breath. Despite himself, Ballister began to feel the threatening sting of tears, but his face remained turned away from Ambrosius, who stood a few paces away, demanding: "Do you even remember when we were tiny little kids, or did that get blown up, too?" 

It was silent. A minute passed; it felt like an hour. In a final attempt, Ambrosius cried out, voice breaking, "PLEASE, BALLISTER! IT'S BEEN EIGHT FUCKING YEARS!" There was a long silence. Then, Ballister shook his head resolutely, dismissing him. Struggling to keep his voice steady, he said, "I will not go with you, Ambrosius."

Ambrosius stared at Ballister with a look of pure, burning disgust. His blue eyes had turned an icy gray. Then, decided that he'd given up, he turned on his heel and made to walk away. Under his breath he muttered bitterly, "God, I wish I could stop loving you as easily as you stopped loving me."

This final statement, simple though it was, all but shattered Ballister's heart. He finally turned to face Ambrosius, hot furious tears spilling freely from his eyes, and in a trembling voice he called out, "Then why don't you?!" Ambrosius froze, startled by the sudden outburst. He glanced over his shoulder.

His chest heaving up and down, Ballister raked a shaky hand through his hair and added, "It's because of you that I'm like this, y'know." Ambrosius turned all the way around now, and gazed at Ballister with a pained expression; the ice had melted from his eyes. He thought he'd be ready for anything, but he certainly wasn't expecting Ballister to cry. Yet there Ballister stood before him, quivering with anger and grief. "Without my arm, I'm fucking useless," he said in a tight voice, "I mean, look at me. I have nothing, I am nothing..." His voice broke into gasping, long-withheld sobs. His face disappeared into his hands.

Ambrosius instantly softened. He gently approached Ballister with open arms, but to his surprise, Ballister roughly shoved him away. "Why won't you just go?!" Ballister shouted desperately, his voice edged with frustration. Unfazed, Ambrosius came back in full swing and forcibly wrapped Ballister in a hug, who almost immediately collapsed in his arms, crying uncontrollably. They slowly sank to the ground, locked in an embrace. "Shhhh, it's okay," Ambrosius said, his voice muffled in the folds of Ballister's shirt. He pressed Ballister tightly against him, feeling Ballister's sobs shake his entire body. "Hey, it's okay, you're okay," Ambrosius murmured, adding ruefully, "God dammit, Ballister." 

Ballister wept on; he seemed to be unable to stop, his face was buried in the crook of Ambrosius' neck, and Ambrosius could feel his own eyes water from the excruciating guilt that now threatened to consume him. In a moment of impulse, he pushed back one of Ballister's curls and kissed his forehead tenderly. His skin was surprisingly cool, and soft. "I'm sorry, Ballister," Ambrosius whispered again and again, meaning it more every time, "I'm so sorry." It was the first time the knight's apology seemed genuine. Gradually, Ballister's sobs grew less heart-rending and his breaths grew steadier. With a deep breath, he wrapped his own arms around Ambrosius. "I know," he whispered. He silently rested his head on Ambrosius' shoulder and gazed grimly at the smouldering cityscape behind them. His bloodshot eyes gleamed in the firelight.

Ambrosius sank gratefully into the hug, but internally, he kicked himself. He had worked so hard to protect Ballister from the Institution over the years, but he'd failed to realize that his actions, not the Institution's, were Ballister's greatest source of pain. He'd been selfish - and he'd been an idiot, he realized, and broken the only man he ever loved. He felt truly awful.

"Ballister, I know... I know that none of this was your fault. It never was," Ambrosius said softly. "You have every right to never speak to me again."

Silence. Ambrosius squeezed his eyes shut, valiantly fighting his own tears.

Then, Ballister heaved a deep, shuddering sigh. "I just... can't take this anymore, Ambrosius," he said at last. Ambrosius held Ballister tightly and stroked his hair as though he'd forgotten himself. "I know," Ambrosius breathed. "Neither can I."

Ballister's mind after crying was a comfortable fog, and he knew that his old walls had been burnt all the way to the ground. There was no salvaging them, much like the faraway remnants of the city at which he gazed through damp and aching eyes, and he knew that he had to go with Ambrosius - and that if he didn't, he was better off burning up in the inferno than living on without him. He took a deep and ragged breath, his neck throbbing, and at last he held Ambrosius close to him, and he heard Ambrosius sniffle ever so softly... and then he held Ambrosius tighter, and one of them whispered something close to an 'I love you,' and the other breathed something like 'I love you too,' and as the two men knelt on the dry grass together, pressed against each other and breathing in quiet synchrony, the raw smoky air felt just a bit clearer that night.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for the rather long absence, but I'm back in black! (i almost got kicked out of my parents' house for being trans, among other life issues, but I'm sort of alright now 🥰)


End file.
